Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Traveling (and the missing-ness of it)

I love to travel. 
I love the excitement and adventure, the scary and good, the strange customs and new cultures. I am in love with countries I have never been to and people I have never met. 
I love living our life with intention, knowing we are making a difference, closely following the Lords directions. 
A part of me comes alive when I travel. A part that, in Canada, mostly hibernates, occasionally coming out at the sight of a travel book. I feel I am a stronger believer when I travel, when Im out of my comfort zone and praying for each step. 
I love to travel.

But there are different sides to travel. While it has many many joys, there is also the ever present missing-ness. 
Usually missing home (well, the people back home) is easy to live with. I think of them and in the back of my mind theres an ever running dialogue. I think of how they would love or hate a certain experience, or how that shirt is so totally "her" and how badly I would love to be at the beach, swimming with that precious little one. 
Most of the time its do-able and live-able and not so bad. 

Sometimes it rears its head when I least expect it. 
Like now.

 I was watching a video of a friends wedding. My sister-in-law choreographed a dance for the wedding party. There they are, dancing and looking gorgeous and all of a sudden, Im in tears. I just wanted to be there. I want to cheer them on and laugh with them, I want to dance along. 
But I cant. 
Im so very far away and overwhelmed with the distance, wishing it all away, wishing I could jump in the car and be with them in a few minutes. 

I know it will pass, probably by the time I finish this post! But I want to be real about our time away. Not every day is sunshine. (Well, is Israel, we literally have sunshine every day...) Some days are hard. Some days start early and end late and the in between is filled with laughter and fun, yes, but also the frustration of attempting to parent children that are not actually mine. 

Some days I pray so hard, Im surprised that God doesn't get sick of hearing from me. I walk through a full range of emotions each day: thankfulness, anger, joy, delight, frustration, confusion, you name it!

Now don't get me wrong. 
We love what we do. 
Love it. 
We are thankful for each day, that God has us here for this season, and we know it will fly by! 
We also are very aware that God is refining us, allowing us to be in situations that stretch and challenge us, so that we rely more fully on Him.
Im fine with that. Actually, I thankful for it! I know I have so much to learn! But the process is painful and, sometimes, ugly. 

Today was hard. I miss my people, my flavours, my alone time! But I will go to bed tonight, thankful, and when I wake up, I will praise the God who so wisely called us here. He has so much for us to learn and we are grateful for every opportunity. 

In the meantime, Im going to crank up some music and have my own little dance party! (Im starting to feel better already!) 

1 comment:

  1. Oh, this made me want to cry! Amanda misses you so much and so does Cody and so do I! But it was in God's plan for you to be away from us at this time and He can teach us things too through this experience! I have the joy of welcoming a friend home today (I haven't seen her since the night of our wedding) and reunions are fantastic but yes, God's plan is for people to be in different places around the world and I am so thankful and inspired by your faith to follow Him wherever He takes you!!! Missing you today (and all the other days too!). <3

    Ps. I went thrifting in your name! I will post on my blog about it for you!!