Friday, April 19, 2013

On going home...

When I think of going back to Canada, I have a hard time trying to explain what I am feeling.
We are asked often "Are you excited?" or "How do you feel?" and Ive been trying to answer honestly. 
Yes. No. Scared. Excited. Nervous. 
Its been a challenge, processing the past 13-ish months. 
There have been moments of pure beauty, and ones of pain and hurt. 
How do you sum up a million moments, a dozen countries, countless encounters? 

There are aspects of being in Canada that make me so excited. This morning, I was picturing being reunited with my family and I got so excited that my legs went numb. True story. 

Then there are moments when Im nervous.
Over the past year, the only person I have seen often is Andrew. 
He is it.

When I picture being in a room with dozens of friend and family, its kind of overwhelming. I haven't been around people that we know in a long time.
What if I have changed and become something they dont like? 
What if, in all of this streching and growing, Ive somehow been broken in a way that drives away people?
What if I cant handle the culture shock?
What if we are so busy that I rarely see Andrew? 
Im sad that our time alone will diminish. Im selfishly sad that I will have to share him with family, friends, work and responsibilities. 

I know that these things are exactly what they are. Fears.
 Mostly unfounded and silly. But they are real. 

This doesn't, however, change the fact that we are beyond thrilled to be home. 
And thats exactly what's hard to explain. 
 How can you explain that on one hand, you are so excited to see them, on the other, you are scared of what that will be like. 
I dont want people to offended, because I really, truly, am thrilled to see everyone again.
But, as most chapters that must be over, its hard when you get to the end. 
Is our trip over? What of the experiences and lessons? Will they be erased? Can we somehow continue to live them out in the luxury of Canada, even just for the 3 months that we will live there?

Im convinced we can and Andrews assures me that Im right. 

So yes, we are heading "home" (a concept that continues to change) in time for my brother, Eleano and his beautiful fiancĂ©, Roni's wedding! We have missed ALL of their engagement, which makes us sad, but are thrilled to be a part of their big day!
Can I just take a moment and say: How the heck does time fly by so quickly! I swear Eleano was my baby just the other day, now he's getting married! We are so happy for them, they are an awesome couple.

(Aren't they adorable!)

What will it be like to be somewhere that has 90% less bugs? A place where you don't (hardly ever) sweat through one, never mind two, shirts. What will it be like to have (almost) everything within driving distance. 
Cheese? No problem! Bacon? Easy! Clothes? Done! Toilet paper? A given!

"Surreal" doesn't even begin to describe it. 

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