Im reading "Say Yes to God" by Kay Warren.
I found the book on our apartment shelf and promptly ignored it. I went against the old "don't judge a book by its cover" rule. Bad, bad girl.
Anyway, days without power means lots of reading in the evenings and soon I was done reading all the other books on the shelf (its a small shelf)
So I picked it up, albeit reluctantly.
I was only a page or two in when I had to take a step back and say to myself "Self, if you read this, your mindset and passions are going to change. Do you want that to happen?"
I thought about it for a day and decided "Yes. Everything in my world right now is challenging, why not throw this book into it as well!"
Basically this book is a call to courageous surrender. Its about ruining your safe and happy worldview and opening your eyes to the evil in this world. Its about allowing God to show you the pain and suffering in this world so that you can do something about it!
Its about saying yes to allowing God to break your heart for the hurting, the abandoned and neglected. Its refusing to change the channel because there is more bad news on. Its refusing to be ok with racism, with AIDS, with sin and death.
"If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart" -Oswald Chambers
Sound scary? Well, it kind of is! A part of me doesn't want to read this book. Theres a part of me that wants to ignore the poverty in India, to turn a blind eye to the corrupt system, to turn a deaf ear to the impending war in Israel, to forget those faces that I have met, where rape, violence and malnutrition have scared and ravaged their bodies and spirit.
But then theres the part of me that loves God and knows that I am not here for a long time.
I sure want my years to count for something eternal, not something temporary!
This suffering world is in desperate need of people who are willing to allow God to work in and through their lives. I am no hero, and I am certainly no saint! But I do know the power of Christ and the grace and peace that comes from a relationship with Yeshua.
"Then Jesus called the crowd, along with his disciples, and said to them, "If anyone wants to become my follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and for the gospel will save it" Mark 8:34
Yes, I will cuddle with kids covered in lice that visibly jump onto me, I will push through the 43 degree, 85% humidity weather and dole out sweaty hugs and kisses.
Yes, I will spend my birthday in a dark, hot room, walking with children, building up their confidence, changing diapers and occasionally getting peed on.
Yes, I will make eye contact with that deformed homeless man, I will show him that even he has worth in the eyes of His maker, and therefore, in my eyes.
Yes, I will allow God to dictate where I go, when I return, where I spend my money or my life and even when we will have kids. Sometimes my "yes" is whispered, with a shaky voice.
Sometimes I am scared to death, but I will still say yes.
"To want to serve God in some conditions, but not others, is to serve Him in your own way. But to put no limits on your submission to God is truly dying to yourself. This is how to worship God. Open yourself to God without measure. Let His life flow through you like a torrent. Fear nothing on the road you are walking. God will lead you by the hand. Let your love for Him cast out the fear you feel for yourself." -Francois Fenelon.